I keep looking for a reason not to write because that's what writers do. Lucky for me I'm finding lots of them (reasons). First and foremost - rejection. Not by readers. I'd have to have some for that to happen. No, I am speaking of agents. And they're not even really rejecting my actual work. They're just completely uninspired by my query letter. The last rejection notice I got said, "I didn't find myself grabbed by your subject matter." It should have been a very large clue to what I was doing wrong. Instead it knocked me to the mat like I was throwing a prize fight. I've never been good with rejection. My first reaction to it is always, what? You don't like me? What's not to like? Explain it so I'll understand for future reference and while we're at that you can get to really know me at which point you'll LOVE me. Didn't work with dating. Don't think it'll work with getting an agent. Unlike former boyfriends, however, I won't be convinced to give up on agents no matter how many people tell me I'm an idiot and teddy bears with cute saying embroidered on them won't make anyone think of me more often and with affection. The damn agents are stuck with me until one of them finally caves and says, "Yes! I want to represent you more than ANYTHING else in the world!" I believe in my work. Plus, the only other thing I know how to do is retail and that crap will drive me (or my boss) to an early grave depending on which of us is finally driven to load the proverbial rifle.

So, away with excuses and being depressed. To hell with people who don't like my queries. It only takes one yes - a sentiment that if I've heard once I've heard 1000 times. True or not it makes me want to smack the hair right off the person saying it but as it's usually my husband or mother, I'm forced to smile and nod, proving I'm over being down on myself because I can't take hearing how much God loves me when I'm convinced at that particular moment that God could give a rat's ass about anything I do. Also, if I sulk for too long, Mark makes me do naked disco. Don't ask.......

I have to go re-work a story angle now because I saw something in a movie that gave me an answer to a question I had about something in my story that was kind of loosey goosey. Then I have to work on my query again because five of the things have to go out per week. I wonder if the agents would find it more interesting if I embroidered it on a teddy bear?